My Career (and Life) Regrets
When I look back on my career so far, one thing is painstakingly clear. I was on Autopilot for most of it (and my life in general) and not really taking the time to create and choose things that aligned with what I actually wanted.
I was always operating in survival mode in flight, keeping busy, trying to earn my keep in the here and now not thinking long term.
As a side note, I've also lived a pretty good life and have experienced so much amazing!
But, what does Autopilot even mean?
Dr. Thema Bryant wrote about this in her book "Homecoming". I was doing some pretty deep healing when I read it, and I still remember how seen I felt and how much grief and understanding I had for myself when I did.
This is the first lines of describing her book:
"In the aftermath of stress, disappointment, and trauma, people often fall into survival mode, even while a part of them longs for more. Juggling multiple demands and responsibilities keeps them busy, but not healed."
This is autopilot to me.
What did it look like for me?
Constantly working my arse off trying to be valued and prove to anyone around me I was worthy of keeping around and trying to make myself irreplaceable
Giving my time and energy to anyone and everyone without boundaries thinking that going to make me a superstar, personally or professionally, that would always have a place in that ecosystem
Not thinking long term about the career or life I actually wanted to build and made decisions in the here and now that didn't align with my values or I knew in my gut it wasn't right
What did it cost me?
Years in jobs where I've been treated poorly and stayed too long (a marriage too)
Feeling unworthy
Not using my resources wisely
Sometimes feeling depleted, resentful, and bitter
And on a deeply personal level, a family of my own
Why am I writing this?
After coaching 100's of people over the last decade, I see people in Autopilot all the time. And yes, it could come from trauma or disappointment, but we also live in a society that is go, go, go...have all the meetings, onto the next project, be everything to everybody at the cost of losing ourselves. Be perfect to everyone.
Most of us do not take the time to understand our worth, why we are freaking good at what we do, how we are leaders.
When we need to find a new job, seek out a promotion, or career path, we have no idea, even after years of proven accomplishments, how we can possibly be valued for it.
So we throw together resumes that are lists of tasks without the proof of all you've done
We open ourselves up to anything because we haven't taken the time to know what we want or we feel it's safer to do this...and then we put a bandaid over that knowing we want something more AND are worthy of something more
We have not idea what to say about ourselves when the audience provides an opportunity for visibility in all the right ways
We now live in a time where we don't stay in jobs for decades like generations before us and change is almost inevitable for everyone
There is almost nothing better than helping my clients recognize their worth, choose a lane, and help them develop a brand, a voice, and a strategy to go after it.
After teaching career courses to beginner software engineers for years, and supporting a host of incredible people since, I believe everyone has an amazing story to tell but haven't had the space, person, permission to own it and say it.
No more! Let's get your amazing awesome out there in the world!
What do you have to lose?? Maybe the life and career you really want...
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I’m a Story + Strategy Coach, fierce about your future…if this resonated with you, send me a message. I’d love to hear from you or how I can support you.